How to be a Wantrapreneur

Guide to being an entrepreneur wannabe

There are tons of guides out there on how to be an entrepreneur. This is not one of them.

If you follow the advice here to a T, I guarantee that you can proudly call yourself a wantrapreneur. You know, the wannabe entrepreneur that works on everything else but the intended business. The wantrapreneur talks the walk but doesn’t walk the walk. Typically, a wantrapreneur runs a business that has a revenue of zero dollars.

Here are some tips on how to become a wantrapreneur:

Tip 1: Keep thinking “All I need is one single great idea”

Got a bunch of good ideas you can use to start a business now?

Forget those, you need a great idea. An idea so magnificent it will change the course of humanity. That idea has to provide at least one of the following solutions:

  • make everyone and their grandmas at least 2000% more productive
  • end all forms of environmental pollution
  • space colonization
  • world peace

When you have a perfect idea, you will know.

You will feel in your body. There will be a halo over your head. A choir of angels will appear. People will stop what they are doing when you walk past them. Dogs will stop barking in your presence. Babies will stop crying.

Hoards of customers rush towards you with tears of joy in their eyes. They are willing to trade their soul plus 5000 dollars(excluding shipping and 2-year extended warranty) for your product on launch day.

On the same day, you will magically own a Fortune 500 company that runs itself. You are teleported from your mom’s basement straight to the corner office. A navy Tom Ford suit replaces your mustard-stained undershirt in a blink of an eye.

You have made it. You have found that one great idea. The one idea that has eluded humankind.

Recite the mantra of wantrapreneurship: “The one great idea is everything, execution means nothing.”

Tip 2: Don’t be good at anything because you are the “jack of all trades”

If you specialize in something, you will be pigeon-holed. You will be a cog in the wheel just like anyone else. For this reason, you should avoid being competent at any particular skill at all costs.

If you face any obstacles in business, stop what you are doing immediately. Go start something else instead. Do not learn the skill needed to solve the problem. You might end up being adept at something. God forbid.

Avoid having a basic understanding of anything, especially about fundamental business concepts or finance. It is a waste of time. You can hire someone else to do that menial work. You are above that. You are in charge of the big picture.

Being a specialist at something requires hard work. It requires constant deliberate practice and a whole lot of time. We know hard work is for suckers. We work smart, not hard.

Proudly call yourself a “jack of all trades” because you can do everything half-assed. Wear that label like a badge of honor.

Tip 3: Branding is more important than the product

The value from products and services do not matter. It is all about the branding. It is important for a wantrepreneur to understand this.

The first part of branding is your product name. You need a catchy product name everyone can remember. If it is an app, end it with the postfix “-fy”. Find out how it translates to every language in the world. Spend at least 10 months on the product name.

The next big step is the logo. The logo is tremendously important. If you have a beautiful logo, you will 100x your sales. Obsess over that logo. Get every single pixel correct. The colors are important too. We know how color affects our psychology. Get a second opinion on that. Or a third.

Next up is the website. You need that perfect website before you can market the product. The world will be astonished by the elegant simplicity of viewing your future products on the website. Make sure you get all the details correct.

Remember to do all the work regarding branding before starting work on the product itself. This one of the key elements of becoming a successful wantrapreneur.

Tip 4: Apply the 80/20 rule: 80% social media, 20% working on the actual business

Don’t waste your time working solely on the business. It is just tedious work that does not guarantee 100% success. Why work on something all the time when you can’t be sure of the outcome? Uncertainty is for fools.

Allocate time to browse social media sites and apps. Check out Instagram Stories or Snapchat Snaps of famous entrepreneurs. These videos will pump you up. You might not have a million bucks, but you will definitely feel like it after watching those videos.

You should spend a massive amount of time creating and curating your own social media content. Create accounts on Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Snapchat, Facebook, Tinder, and Myspace.

For maximum delusion of perceived effectiveness, do the following:

  • Post inspiring quotes from famous dead people
  • Retweet motivational content from famous entrepreneurs
  • Comment on the feed of other wantrapreneurs

All wantrapreneurs should use the 80/20 rule: spend 80% of the time mucking about on social media and 20% of the time working on the actual business.

Tip 5: Chase down “the one”, that perfect business partner

You know that every successful startup needs a team. You cannot be successful starting out alone. You need that perfect partner. If you are a tech person, you need a business-savvy partner. And vice versa.

Before you leave your home every morning, visualize that perfect partner. The universe will provide.

Everything will fall into place when you have found “the one”. The partner will complete you. It will be a match made in heaven. You will be the dynamic duo of startups.

You will bounce ideas off each other without any disagreements. You will finish each other’s sentences. You will gaze into each other’s eyes during business strategy meetings. The business world will bask in the celestial synergy of the two of you.

Pictures of you and your partner holding hands will grace the covers of Forbes, Inc., and Fortune. On weekends, you both clink champagne glasses on your shared luxury superyacht. You both wear matching Patek Phillipe Grand Complications and polo shirts.

All this will only happen if you have that perfect partner. Take absolutely no action before you have found the perfect business partner.

Tip 6: If you make any sales, assume it is not your fault

When you are a wantrapreneur, you are by definition a clairvoyant psychic. You should expect the future to pan out exactly like what you assumed it to be. You have been right 100% of the time in the past. Why would it be any different in the future?

There is no need for any market research or any customer experience testing. No reason for wasting time finding out information or testing hypotheses when you can make the reality up in your head.

If for any inexplicable reason you don’t make any sales, assume that it is not your fault. No one is buying your product because they just don’t “get” your brilliant idea.

The market is never right. You always are. Do not let anything sway you away from this stance.

The easy path of wantrapreneurship

Entrepreneurship is hardship. There is an exorbitant amount of responsibility to shoulder. You will be frequently stretched out of your comfort zone. Even after investing all that hard work and time, there is no guarantee of success.

Being a wantrapreneur is the easier path to choose. It is comfortable. It offers you the illusion of hustling. You can talk about it without putting in the work.


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